We Had So Many Plans

 I never thought I'd be writing something like this.

But here we are.

A relationship I genuinely thought would be part of my future has finally come to an end.

And tbh, I still don't really know how to feel about it.

Sad? Of course.

Disappointed? Definitely.

A little relieved?

Maybe that too.

We had so many plans.

We talked about finally meeting, spending time together, meeting each other's families, and eventually building a life without having to worry about distance anymore.

I used to look forward to next year so much.

It felt like everything we were waiting for would finally become real.

But I guess life doesn't always work that way.

Somewhere along the way, things started getting complicated.

Misunderstandings, expectations, arguments, and the kind of exhaustion that slowly builds up when two people keep trying but don't always understand each other.

I made mistakes.

Some of them really hurt someone I cared about, and I know I can't just apologize and expect everything to go back to normal.

I wish I had handled certain things differently.

I really do.

But I also know we can't keep going back in time to change things that already happened.

Sometimes I still catch myself wanting to share something about my day.

Something funny happened at work?

I instinctively think about telling her.

Found something interesting online?

Same thing.

And then I remember.

Things aren't the same anymore.

It's strange how someone can become such a big part of your everyday life, and suddenly you're learning how to live without those little routines.

I don't know whether I'll ever stop thinking about the future we imagined.

But I guess that's part of losing someone.

You don't just miss the person.

You miss everything you thought you'd experience together.

And honestly?

I think that's what hurts the most.